I am 25 and I still live with my parents, and this is not an accident or a regret. I love living here, and I think more young adults should seriously consider foregoing “independence” for things of much greater importance.

I’m impressed by the number of people who’ve already emailed me (or left blog comments … thanks, Mark!) to express their appreciation for the article and the counter-cultural ideas therein. Apparently I’m not the only one who’s noticed that our culture’s ways of doing things can be empty and counterproductive.

Religious people are much maligned because we believe there are things we shouldn’t do. Likewise, parents are made to feel guilty for “stifling” their children with the dread word “no.” Give us free rein, we say. Let us be ourselves. Let us follow our hearts, capitulate to our whims, be in all things accountable to nothing but desire.

The importance of “no” cannot be overstated. A society of people who cannot say “no” to themselves are destined to destroy themselves. Not every human urge is good. Some impulses should be bludgeoned, not acted upon. Do you doubt this? Try being on the receiving end of someone who says “yes” to everything. Yes, lose your temper. Yes, let those venomous words out of your mouth. Yes, take that physical relationship far beyond the limits of commitment. Yes, have another drink. Yes, start that fight. Yes, yes, yes.

God is often seen as a monster because He dared tell us “Thou shalt not.” The parent who does the same is overprotective, overbearing, and overstepping the bounds of individuality. The grown-up child who tells himself “no” is a stick-in-the-mud. So says the world. But the world will crumble while God and His people stand, all because of the virtue of saying “no.”

When I was a kid, I wasn’t allowed to ask why when my parents said “no.” It meant what it meant; my job was to obey. As I grew, the rule relaxed. My parents wanted me to understand. Blind obedience is good to a point, but whole-hearted obedience born of understanding and acquiescence is better. I read the Bible and got a whole host of “Thou shalt nots,” and with them, an understanding of what sin does to people. I thank God for His laws. I thank Him for His wisdom. I thank Him, because the “Ack!” and “Why?!”-worthy things we do were not in His plan.

The ability to say “no” is what makes us human. We can and must judge between good and evil in our society, our standards, our actions. Self-control enables us to rise above animal urges and live worthy lives of creativity, duty, productivity, real love. What good does it do a man if he follows his every urge, and loses his own soul?

It begins at home. Self-control, the inner “Thou shalt not” that guides us, is best learned at home under the loving tutelage of parents who want us to understand, as God wants us to understand. The father or mother who can firmly and lovingly say “no” opens the door to true humanity.

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Coming next week: “Yes and Amen: The Magnificent Power of ‘Yes’”