Jan 23 2012
New “Worlds Unseen” Description
All right, friends who wanted to keep up with my fiction journey. I am trying my hand at improving novel descriptions. I would love it if you’d give me your feedback on the following descriptions of the same book. Which would more likely interest you enough to read a sample (or even buy the book)?
1.
The Council for Exploration Into Worlds Unseen believed there was more to the world and its history than the empire had taught them. Treating ancient legends as history, they came a little too close to the truth. Betrayed by one of their own, the Council was torn apart before they could finish their work.
Forty years later, Maggie Sheffield just wants to leave the past behind. Memories of the Orphan House where she grew up are fading; memories of her guardians’ murder are harder to shake. When a dying friend shows up on her doorstep bearing the truth about the Seventh World–in the form of a written covenant with evil–Maggie is sent on a journey that will change her forever.
2.
Quiet, timid, and haunted by the murder of her guardians when she was a child, Maggie Sheffield wants peace and healing—not an opportunity to uncover truths so frightening and so vast that they threaten to forever unravel the world she thinks she knows. But when a dying friend gives her an ancient scroll that purports to contain just such truths, Maggie finds the lure of understanding too hard to resist.
For the power that killed Maggie’s loved ones was not human—and she has reason to believe the same power is both hunting down others and ruling the entirety of the Seventh World.
Leaving her hopes for peace behind, Maggie sets out to carry the ancient scroll to the far eastern city of Pravik, seeking the only man in the world who can read it and reveal its secrets. Along the way, Maggie falls into the companionship of a charismatic young wanderer called Nicolas Fisher, who has secrets of his own that he has long been trying to keep hidden.
Together, their journey plunges them into a strange new world of colourful Gypsies and ancient legends, of death-hounds and beautiful witches, of wilderness treks and unexpected love. But the price of truth may be too high: for Maggie, Nicolas, and the rebels of Pravik are tearing at the veil between the seen and the unseen, between good and evil, between forgotten past and treacherous future—and when that veil grows thin enough, it’s anyone’s guess what may come through.
Hey Rachel! I’m looking forward to keeping up with your fiction journey!
I have to say I like summery #1 best. It has enough suspense and unanswered questions to make me interested in reading. It’s also brief; the second one turned me off about halfway through because of its length.
I’m re-reading Worlds Unseen, and I’m amazed at how vivid the story is! Maggie and Nicholas are probably my favorite characters. Keep up the good work!
Blessings~
Elisabeth
I think I agree with Elisabeth. The second one is kind of long. On the other hand, some of the things you mention in the second one catch my attention – a charismatic young wanderer, ancient legends, unexpected love, etc.
Thank you! Note taken :).
I have to agree that the first description had that charm of brevity that is so desirable in a tantalizing description. However, I found that the second, while lengthy, did a way better job of making me want to read the book (which, Rachel, I am sorry to admit I have not done).
Thanks, Owen! That’s what I’m going for … I want to draw people in who have never read the book and have no idea what it’s about. But I’m going to rewrite again and see if I can bring together the best of both worlds :).
BTW, Owen, we need to have a conversation about writing and publishing fiction next time we’re both in the same house at the same time …